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Discussions I Didn’t Ask For

1. The Health Care Center

The phone rings. We never pick up anymore, because well over 90% of the calls are junk. We really need to just cancel the landline like the cool kids have long since done.

“Hello,” a robovoice announces. “This is the Health Care Center calling about the health plan you just selected.”

Right. No thanks.

2. A Chili Combo

The woman in front of me was having a hard time ordering her lunch. She wanted a combo but she didn’t want a combo. She wanted chili, but she didn’t want chili. There were three drinks, two bags of chips, two sandwiches, a bowl of chili… well I didn’t understand what she was ordering. Neither did the woman behind the counter.

Then the woman behind the counter figured it out and announced that the woman wanted three combos in spite of the fact that the customer just wanted two sandwiches. Because, you see, in spite of the menu saying nothing to that effect, you can get a combo with chili for the same price as a combo with a sandwich and the $2.00 surcharge for chili on a combo is not applicable at that point, …

Just give me a sandwich.

3. The Constitution

Sandra was looking at sound cancelling headphones as I walked up to look at them, too.

She asked for some help understanding the cord coming out of the headphones that were supposed to be wireless. I wasn’t much help, and in any event, I’m not eager to drop big bucks on wants right now.

Our conversation wandered around a bit, and then…

“You know why they don’t teach them cursive anymore in school, don’t you?”

I just looked at her and shook my head. She leaned in towards me and spoke in hushed tones.

“It’s because they don’t want them reading The Constitution.”

As you might expect, it was a while longer before I was able to extricate myself from that conversation.