{"id":5409,"date":"2019-04-07T19:30:53","date_gmt":"2019-04-08T01:30:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/?p=5409"},"modified":"2019-04-07T19:33:15","modified_gmt":"2019-04-08T01:33:15","slug":"they-outed-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/2019\/04\/07\/they-outed-me\/","title":{"rendered":"They Outed Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. They Figured It Out<\/h3>\n

“Mister,” she said from the back of the room, trying to get my attention above the hubbub of the five minutes between periods. “Mister!” <\/p>\n

“Yes?” I said from where I was standing with my seating roster.<\/p>\n

“I know how old you are, Mister.”<\/p>\n

I stopped taking attendance.<\/p>\n

“How old am I?”<\/p>\n

“I found you on a white pages site,” she said. “You are sixty.” <\/p>\n

I smiled and nodded. “I am sixty.”<\/p>\n

They had finally outed me.<\/p>\n

2. A Better Theory<\/h3>\n

“Mister,” she said the next day as I was passing out papers. <\/p>\n

“Yes?” I said.<\/p>\n

“Did you work out when you were young?”<\/p>\n

“What?” I walked toward her desk. “Did I work out!?”<\/p>\n

“You don’t look sixty, Mister” she said. “You must have worked out when you were young.”<\/p>\n

I started to say something about running. But the girl sitting next to her smiled a slight smile. She had a better theory. <\/p>\n

“He must use some kind of creme!” she said. She could barely say it without laughing, which they all immediately did.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. They Figured It Out “Mister,” she said from the back of the room, trying to get my attention above the hubbub of the five minutes between periods. “Mister!”  “Yes?” I said from where I was standing with my seating roster. “I know how old you are, Mister.” I stopped taking attendance. “How old am […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5409"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5409"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5409\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5412,"href":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5409\/revisions\/5412"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5409"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5409"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/augerhandle.net\/blogs\/jumpingfish\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5409"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}