So the end of the massive disk herniation story is this: the back injection worked. Except… that’s not quite the end.
Although within days the pain had substantially receded, the fact is that I had been on my back for almost two weeks. And in the process, the crystals in my ear had migrated to a bad place. (You know about those crystals, right?) I had vertigo.
This wasn’t dizziness. It was full-fledged vertigo: violent spinning of the world around you. It makes you nauseous. It makes you want to… well… lie down in bed which I had had enough of.
This went on for more than a week. Looking at the floor would make me spin. Burying compost would make me spin. Turning my face into the shower stream. Brushing my teeth. Rolling over at night. Picking up a stick — for heaven’s sake, I could not even pick up a stick without the world spinning around.
So I went to the doctor for help. They gave me instructions for self treatment at home. Sit on the edge of the bed. Rotate your head 45 degrees this way. Lie down quickly. Count to 30. Sit up. Rotate the other direction. Lie down quickly. Count to 30. Repeat. Something like that. (Please forgive me for forgetting the exact details. I have the sheet around here somewhere.)
On the first day, Trudy helped with the counting. And after lying down the first time, I asked her to get a bucket, which in the event was unnecessary. On the second day, my eyes jittered back and forth in uncontrollably. On the third day, I was able to do the counting myself. And there were no more days after that.
The crystals are back where they belong. I graduated from physical therapy. And I can finally pick up sticks again.
With that, we (finally) end the story.