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Were You Scared?

Tue, 26 Jul 2011, 05:44 PM (-06:00) Creative Commons License

1. Were you scared?

“Were you scared?” she asked.

It was 5:30 in the morning. We were driving home in the dark from the hospital.

“No,” I said.

This kind of thing has happened enough that it’s frankly not scary, anymore. It might be serious, but it’s not scary. When death comes knocking time after time, you eventually get used to it.

2. A mess on the floor

[Note: This section is a bit graphic.]

It was Saturday, and for some reason I got out of bed very early. I was moving around at 6:00 and outside before 7:00, before the oppressive heat set in.

And in the evening, I made the fatal mistake of drinking several glasses of iced tea with dinner. “What the heck,” I told myself, “it’s the weekend.”

Predictably, it was 2:00am before I finally made my way to the bedroom, brushed my teeth, threw my clothes in the hamper and did those other things you do before you go to bed.  You know, those things that keep you from … um … getting up in the middle of the night.

As I stood there, what came out was, there’s just no gentle way to put this, a bloody mess. It looked as if a water balloon full of bright red paint had exploded before my eyes. All over the floor, all over the toilet, red paint everywhere. There was no pain, but it was quite a mess.

I stood for a moment, half in shock from the vibrant red and half in shock from the total absence of pain. I stood there and briefly considered cleaning it up and just dealing with it in the morning.

3. What Trudy said

“Trudy?” I said.

Remember, this was 2:00am. The fair and industrious Trudy has been sleeping for hours, being substantially less sensitive to caffeine than I am.

“Trudy?” I said again, slightly louder.

“Huh?”

She stumbled into the bathroom when I said there was something I wanted her to see. She didn’t exactly shriek, but it was close, and she did almost black out. Like I said, it was a shocking mess.

My feeble protestations about “What can the ER do that I can’t deal with on Monday?” were rejected out of hand.

I cleaned up the blood. We got dressed. And Trudy drove us to the hospital.

4. In the emergency room

The emergency room was empty when we parked.  But as we were walking in, a woman with a slashed face arrived, and evidently other folks came in after us, because we sat and waited for a long time before they triaged me. And then we waited some more, while I lay shivering in a skimpy hospital gown in that ultra air conditioned place.

After quite some time, the doctor came into the room, apologizing sincerely for the flood of people that had arrived all of the sudden. She listened to my story about the blood on the floor and about my 1986 cancer and 2004 near-cancer and 2007 cancer. She scheduled me for a CT scan.

And so we waited some more, and I shivered some more even after the fair and industrious Trudy tracked down a heated blanket.

After the miracle of computers and graphics and electronics and some radiologist who I bet was on the other side of town, the scan came back negative. The doctor gave me some precautionary antibiotics and told me to see my urologist on Monday.

5. Afterword

In retrospect, my urologist conceded that we didn’t need to go to the emergency room that night, although I doubt that he would have been happy if I had called him that night to ask.

Two visits later, he doesn’t have anything alarming to say. There’s nothing in my blood that suggests anything has gone awry. The pee-in-a-cup sample didn’t show anything alarming, although he’ll send it in for more analysis. And the cytoscope showed nothing more than a varicose vein.

It’s probably that vein, he said. Probably the radiation and that vein.

Nothing else has happened since. No pain. No red paint. No nothing.

Come back in December, he said.

And that’s that.

Even More Humanity

Mon, 25 Jul 2011, 09:44 PM (-06:00) Creative Commons License

In response to the killings:

We must never cease to stand up for our values. We have to show that our open society can pass this test, too. And that the answer to violence is even more democracy, even more humanity, but never naivete. This is what we own the victims and those they hold dear.

— Jens Stoltenberg, Norwegian Prime Minister [video]

That is how it’s done. We failed the test.

End of the Road

Tue, 12 Jul 2011, 11:12 PM (-06:00) Creative Commons License

The road ends at the ocean.

If you stand near the crashing waves on Playalinda Beach at Canaveral National Seashore and look south, you can see Launch Complex 39. Built for Saturns, for the last 30 years it has been used for Space Shuttles—until last Friday when the last one flew.

Standing on the seashore, you can see Pad 39A, where Atlantis took off. The gantry rises above the dunes, shrouded in blowing sand and ocean mist just beyond the barricades.

Pad 39a 3

This is indeed the end of the road.

Mosquito Lagoon

Tue, 12 Jul 2011, 03:37 PM (-06:00) Creative Commons License

We were here a couple years ago—just up the shore a bit on a pine tree trail where we found ourselves enswarmed by mosquitos setting upon us with such ferocity that we could not swap fast enough.

And here we are again—taking a road that we didn’t take back then but along which the mosquitos swarm just as ferociously.

And with the sweat running down our sides and the mosquitos swirling about us in the car as we drive slowly along the gravel road thru the scrub beside marshy, brackish water that smells of low tide, without saying a thing to each other about the heat and the sweat and the biting bugs, the we view the passing land and the birds and the snakes and keep an eye out for alligators and silently wonder how much longer the road goes on.

Not Much of That

Tue, 12 Jul 2011, 06:37 AM (-06:00) Creative Commons License

I was sitting outside our motel room trying to read a book.

Sitting in the shade. Looking up periodically at the crashing waves. Trying to ignore the woman sitting in front of the next room who has many issues.

I looked up and saw something flying overhead,

An Osprey. Flying low. Just above the palm trees. Coming back from the shore. A fish in its talons.

We don’t see much of that where I am from.

Motel Wireless

Tue, 12 Jul 2011, 06:29 AM (-06:00) Creative Commons License

So we finally managed to connect to the motel wireless in Cocoa Beach. It turned out that we just needed to sit outside by the picnic tables so that we were closer to the base station—too many brick walls in the way, otherwise.

Mind you, it’s not that we were jittery without a fix or anything like that. It’s just that … well there was some online business we each had to attend to.

So we sat there at the picnic tables clicking on our keyboards while the waves crashed on the other side of the dunes and the cool breeze of evening settled in and patches of blue peeked thru the uncertain clouds.

It didn’t take long.

When we were done, we walked back across the green lawn under the palm trees to put the computers back in our room and grab our chairs and go down to the beach and sit and read and wiggle our toes in the sand and watch the patches of blue sky come and go and marvel at the cruise ships dipping below the horizon and the Black Skimmers with their orange beaks flying by, scooping at the shallow water.

We walked back to our room planning to do those things. And we passed a woman sitting ourside her room with a laptop on her lap.

Trudy walked up to her and whispered, “I’m so glad we’re not the only ones.”

The woman looked up at us, and her eyes widened, and she held up her hands.

“I’ve got work to do!” she said.

Well, at least we weren’t doing work.

The waves crashed on the other side of the dunes. A cool evening breeze blew. And patches of blue peeked thru the clouds. We dropped off our laptops in our motel room and headed down to the beach.

As We Saw It

Mon, 11 Jul 2011, 08:23 PM (-06:00) Creative Commons License

Atlantis launch

One Hour Photo

Mon, 11 Jul 2011, 08:08 PM (-06:00) Creative Commons License

1. The Kid on the Sidewalk

We were on our way to Waffle House for breakfast. (We always have breakfast there when we’re in Cocoa Beach. It’s a kind of addiction.) So we were driving north, and we passed a kid on the sidewalk.

He was holding a plain white sign that said, “Launch Photos” in bold, black letters and had an arrow pointing into the strip mall nearby. The boy held the sign over his head and waved it around, shouting something that we couldn’t hear.

2. The Man at the Counter

At the counter in the restaurant, an old man sat next to Trudy. He was treating his grand daughter to breakfast. He’d left her brothers at home playing computer games, he said.

He had lived in Cocoa Beach for years and talked about seeing rocket launches and about the Space Coast economy now that there are no more Shuttle flights. He talked about how folks in the space business have such specialized jobs that they don’t know what real work is, how it’ll do them some good to have to find real jobs.

At that point, I tuned their conversation out, not particularly caring about the philosophy of a haggard geezer who leaves his sons at home playing on computers while he goes out for something to eat.

It wouldn’t have surprised me if he lit up a cigarette right there at the counter and coughed a wheezy cough as he blew smoke over the rest of us, except that they evidently don’t allow smoking in Florida restaurants, anymore.

He and Trudy continued talking. I ate my cheesy eggs and hashbrowns, lost in my non-charitable reverie.

3. Searching for Souvenirs

The man at the counter did tell Trudy about a different man who sells space memorabilia in a little strip mall store on Highway 3. It was just the kind of place we were looking for. When we got up to leave, we looked over to thank him, but he was gone.

So we drove over to Highway 3 to buy some souvenirs. But when we got there, we couldn’t find the place. We drove up and down the highway looking for a stripmall with a souvenir shop nestled next to a diner.

We found lots of strip malls. We saw lots of little shops. We even saw some diners. But we couldn’t find anything that fit the description the man at the Waffle House gave us.

Eventually we gave up and headed back to the motel.

4. Finding Launch Photos

On the way back, that kid was still out by the street waving the “Launch Photos” sign over his head. I turned into the parking lot, but there was no obvious place selling photos.

So I walked over to the kid and asked about his sign.

“Are you selling Shuttle pictures?” I asked.

“Yes!” he said and turned back to the oncoming traffic, shouting “Launch Photos!”

“Where do we get them?” I asked.

He turned back to me, as if I had asked the strangest question. “Right over there,” he said, pointing to the strip mall on the far side of the parkling lot.

“One Hour Photo.”

“Thanks,” I said and turned back to the car.

“One Hour Photo,” he said again. “One Hour Photo!”

I laughed and thanked him again. Trudy and I got back into the car and drove to the other end of the parking lot.

5. One Hour Photo

There was nothing special to see at first inside One Hour Photo. There were portraits of families and kids on the walls behind the counter. But if you turned around, there were big space pictures, many addressed “To Karl” and autographed with big swirly signatures.

There were a handful of Space Shuttle prints sitting on the top of a glass counter, but they were classic photographs from over the years that anyone would recognize.

My heart dropped. Clearly this was a bit of a bait-and-switch, I thought. He wasn’t selling photos of yesterday’s launch but just selling photos of previous launches. I was not too surprised. What did I expect in less than 24 hours. And after all, this was just a little photo shop in the back of a strip mall on the far side of an empty parking lot.

6. The Photographers

“Do you have pictures of yesterday’s launch?” I asked the man who greeted us as we looked around the store.

“Of course,” Karl said, “right there.”

He pointed to a counter where we saw half a dozen pictures. “Just printed them,” he said, and he explained the various options. Which photos. What sizes. How many. The prices.

We chose one, a close-up photograph of Atlantis climbing out of the billowing steam and smoke, and he helped us crop it before he sent it to his $250,000 photographic printer.

“Been here for 23 years,” Karl said. “Taken photos of lots of Shuttle launches.”

When I told him I’d been at the first one, his face lit up.

“I was there, too,” he said. “I was sixteen.”

I was ashamed of my thoughts of bait-and-switch and looked again at the personally autographed photos on the walls. Pictures signed by Gemini, Apollo and Shuttle astronauts. Autographs written out to him by name. This guy was for real.

As our picture came out of the printer, a guy came in the back door and walked up to Karl and showed him a picture on his iPhone. Karl was visibly impressed.

“It was the only one I got,” the guy said.

Karl introduced us. This was Larry Tanner. Google his name online, they said. You’ll find the image of a nighttime Shuttle roll-out that he took from the roof of the Kennedy Space Center firing room. It became an instant hit online.

Larry showed us the Atlantis launch picture that he had just shown Karl.

I asked if we could buy the photo that Karl had just printed and also one of Larry’s.

“It’s fine with me if it’s ok with him,” Karl said.

“Is it ok with you?” I asked Larry.

“Sure.”

7. The Photographs

So we bought two 8×12 color photographs.

Karl signed and dated the one he took. Larry signed and dated his. Mind you that the two of them weren’t standing by their cameras when the pictures were taken. As Larry said, if you can read the writing on the side of the Orbiter, then the camera was triggered remotely. Can’t have anyone that close to a launching rocket.

So we left with our two pictures slipped inside a cardboard sleeve, happy that we had really good souvenirs from our trip.

As we drove back to the motel, we talked about sitting on the beach and wading in the water. And I took out the pictures and marveled at them but then noticed that both had a thin vertical line running down the middle, the kind of digital flaw that old 17″ Sony Triniton monitors used to have (back when 17″ was really big).

My heart sank as I looked at the pictures. Good souvenirs but not perfect. I tried to convince myself that they were good enough.

But they were not good enough, and so we called One Hour Photo from the motel room. Karl answered, and I explained. He said he’d have to look at the photos to see if he could fix them. And he said he’d be there until 2:00. It was 12:30.

So we got back in the car right away, drove back thru Cocoa Beach, passed a different kid waving a sign at oncoming traffic (another of Karl’s four sons, as it turns out) and walked back into One Hour Photo.

He didn’t have his glasses on before, he said. He was glad we’d called, because he found dust on the mirror in his $250,000 photographic printer. He was able to clean it off, and would print the photos again. He ripped up the flawed ones that were still sitting on the counter.

As it turned out, he had worked a bit on Larry’s picture and managed to squeezebetter contrast out of it. The sky was darker and the booster flames were more orange.

We sat down to wait for the new prints to come out. When they did, Karl signed his. Larry was gone, but we’ve still got the first one that he signed.

And we do have two souvenirs of our trip. Two really good ones.

STS-135

Mon, 11 Jul 2011, 10:53 AM (-06:00) Creative Commons License

1. Pre-Dawn

“The fishing pier’s almost full, but there’s still room.”

We were the last people on the pier with a front row seat and a clear view of Launch Complex 39. It was small but clearly visible, shining on the horizon with pencils of white light shooting up into the darkness.

Everyone else arriving for the next few hours would be sitting on the shore or standing behind those of us who got there early. We no longer doubted our decision to get up early.

It was dark without even a hint of dawn in the east. In the distance beyond the Banana River rising above the Merritt Island scrub, Atlantis and her gantry stood bathed in flood lights. They were far away, but we could just make out the orange of the external tank, and thru her binoculars, the fair and industrious Trudy could see the solid rocket boosters on either side.

Day began to dawn.

2. Pre-Launch

We waited six and a half hours on the pier, eating hard-boiled eggs and cheese, drinking drinks, snacking on salted almonds. The sky was ominously overcast.

As the hours passed, the clouds would darken and lighten and then darken again. We would look up, searching for an excuse for optimism. We always found one.

There were spots of thinning clouds sometimes in the east, sometimes in the south. And although the weather to the northwest was dark and brooding, the breeze was out of the southeast, so we would periodically turn our heads and hope.

As the morning wore on, there were patches of clear sky from time to time. We would point at the blue and move our arms in the direction of Atlantis as if to will the clear weather over the pad.

3. Launch

Atlantis came out of a scheduled hold, and the countdown picked up. “T-9 minutes and counting.” And counting! There was much cheering. Then there was a glitch a few moments later, and the crowd hushed. But they resumed the count, and the crowd standing shoulder to shoulder on the pier and on the shore broke into cheers.

With nervous, hopeful voices we all counted down the last seconds aloud.

At zero a great cloud of steam and smoke appeared on the horizon, billowing into the air. And then a bright dart of liquid-orange flame emerged from the top, climbing into the sky.

The crowd cheered as Atlantis climbed upward and out over the ocean. Trudy watched thru her binoculars. I stood there mouth agape, shaking and trying to keep my eyes clear. The orange flame of the boosters disappeared into the clouds and then reappeared on the other side and then disappeared and reappeared again and then finally disappeared for good behind a cloud deck east of the Cape.

It was only then that the roar of the boosters and main engines came rolling across the water, crackling and rumbling, tearing at the air and reaching our ears only after the rocket was out of sight.

4. Closure

Afterwards, I stood still, speechless, with my hand over my mouth. I didn’t want to make a scene.

The woman next to us thanked us for letting her stand behind our tripod to get a better view. The father behind us thanked us for letting his two sons climb the railing in front of us. And the crowd started to leave.

And I stood shaking for several minutes, finally sitting back into my folding chair.

I was here 30 years ago—for STS-1, Young and Crippen, Columbia, the very first Shuttle flight. And although in the years that have passed since I have not seen another one, we were here for this one, for STS-135, the last one. Ever.

I’m not convinced that anyone else will particularly understand what that means, but I do, and Trudy does, and my friends do, and my family does. And that is enough.

Motel in Cocoa Beach

Fri, 8 Jul 2011, 07:00 PM (-06:00) Creative Commons License

1. The Bad News

Her face went blank. Something was not right.

The fair and industrious Trudy was on her cell phone with the Sea Aire [link] in Cocoa Beach letting them know that we were two hours away. She wanted to ask them if they’d still be in the office when we arrived.

She closed her phone and looked over at me.

“The woman was confused,” Trudy said. “She was looking for the paperwork and said they’ll call back.”

We drove along under gray skies in the rain, and eventually her cell phone rang.

“Hi Gary,” Trudy said and listened for a while in silence.

“Well I don’t know what to say, Gary,” she said. “I have an email from you that I printed out before we left. It says that you made our reservation for today.”

2. What Happened

So it turns out that somehow Gary wrote down our reservation a day early in the motel calendar, even though he confirmed the correct day with us in email. And on that day we were driving down Interstate 10 somewhere between Houston and Tallahassee.

He said that he tried to reach us on the phone. He said that he called and he called and no one answered, which was of course because we were hundreds of miles away, speeding along the highway.

And when he failed to reach us, he cancelled the first day of our reservation and gave it to someone else. There was no room for us that night, and there were no available hotel or motel rooms anywhere in that part of Florida, because everyone was coming to watch the Atlantis launch.

As Trudy said, “I don’t know what to say,” because we certainly didn’t have the faintest idea what we’d do when we arrived.

3. How Gary Fixed It

Gary told Trudy that he’d find a place for us by the time we arrived. He told her that on the phone as we passed Daytona Beach still driving under gray skies and rain.

When we pulled into the motel parking lot and stepped across the puddles to get to the office, we found him there with a nervous smile on his face. He welcomed us and shook our hands, and he explained his proposal.

“I’ll sleep upstairs tonite,” he said. “You can have my apartment for the night. Is that ok with you?”

Our eyes widened. We smiled and nodded and said yes. And the nervous look on his face melted away.

So he took us to see his apartment in the motel. The floor had just been mopped, and there were clean sheets on the guest bed.

“The refrigerator’s a mess,” he said, and he gave us his key.

In less than an hour, we were fast asleep.

 

 

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